I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
