Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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