i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize