i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
