i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
