shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
