Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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