She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
