Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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