If i come over, it means nothing
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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