FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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