Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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