so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
