you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize