Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
