i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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