i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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