i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
