I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
