I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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