Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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