I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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