end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
