i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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