He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
