K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
