i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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