you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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