So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
