the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Vodka?
Forever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
