You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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