my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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