I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Im part way to drunk.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
