this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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