Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
id be glad to
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
