Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
