All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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