im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
