I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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