Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
