He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
