Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize