I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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