it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
