Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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