It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
