i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
