why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
