Cold hands, warm shart.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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