Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
