So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
