My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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