its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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