I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
