Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They took my balls.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
