Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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