Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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