listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
