Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
