it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
