just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
