That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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