Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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