Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
