Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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