I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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