I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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