Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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