I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it hurts more in the daytime
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
