btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
